Jokes

Here are some jokes that will make you laugh!

     A Catholic child and a Jewish kid are playing together in a park. Patrick says to David, "Our Priests know more than your Rabbis!" David replies, "Of course they do, you Catholics tell them everything in confession."

     A Priest is walking along and notices a small child trying to ring a doorbell, but he can barely reach the button. The Priest walks over and presses the button for him, smiles and asks the child, "What do we do now?" The little boy looks up and says, "Run like heck".

     A ladies dog dies.  She really loved the dog and she decides to go to the local Parish Priest as says: "Father, could you please say a mass for my poor dog Max that just died?"  The Priest explains, "We can’t have services for an animal in the church, but there’s a Protestant Church a few blocks down that may may do something for him."  "Thank you Father," replies the grieving woman. "Do you think $5,000 is enough to donate for the service?"  The Priest exclaims, "Why didn’t you tell me it was a Catholic dog?"

     After Mass a new Priest goes to the exit to introduce himself to members of the Parish as they leave. He greets a woman holding a small child by the hand, who asks: "Why do you dress funny?" The Priest replies: "I am a Priest and this is the uniform that Priests wear". Then the child pointed to the Priest's white collar and asked, "Do you have a boo boo?" The Priest then realized that the collar must look like a band-aid. So he removed it and handed it to the little child to show him. On the back of the collar there is an inscription of name of the manufacturer. The child felt the letters, and the priest asked, "Do you know what that says?" "Yes", the child replied, who was not old enough to read. Pretending to read, he said, "Kills fleas and ticks up to six months!"

     A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading.

     After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say Father, what causes arthritis?" The priest replies, "My Son, it's caused by loose living, too much alcohol and sleeping around with loose women." The drunk muttered in response, "Well, I'll be damned," Then returned to his paper.

     The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" The drunk answered, "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."